Being diagnosed

I received a call from my Ob/gyn on Friday afternoon, and listened to the voicemail she left while sitting in my boss's office. I heard my doctor say the lab results look good, sugars, thyroid, cholesterol all good. The next statement made my heart sink and tears well in my eyes. My boss watched my face changed as the news poured out of my phone. My doctor said, "Your hormone levels show that you have what is called Polycyctic Ovarian Syndrome." Those three words meant one thing to me, infertility. My boss excused me from work for the rest of the day and I raced home, balling my eyes out the whole way.

I told my husband, my parents, my best friend, my cousin. I thought the more I said it out loud, the less alone I would feel. Of course they were all amazingly supportive, especially my husband. But it didn't change the fact that this problem inside of me was making my life long fear of infertility a very real possibility. Second to finding a partner in life to love and love me back, the only thing I ever wanted was children. All my dreams of being pregnant and raising a child with my husband's good looks flashed before my eyes.

This past weekend was spent reading and crying. My husband was next to me, reading over my shoulder and holding me tight so I could cry on his. I can't say enough how amazing that man is. Through the reading I would go back and forth between encouraging and scary information. The ladies on my board have been very encouraging, some have been through this before and showed me I'm not alone. I've found out that PCOS effects every woman differently, some get pregnant easily, and some are unable to even with the best treatments. Statistics are a perfect example of this.

- PCOS affects 1 in 10 women: Encouraging (that's a lot of women)

- 50% of pregnancies in women with PCOS end in miscarriage: Earth shatteringly discouraging

I finally spoke with my doctor this morning to get more information. She was so relaxed about the whole thing, like she sees it all the time. She set up a plan for us including birth control pills (regulates hormones) until we are ready to start trying, then Clomid (induces ovulation).

It may be common, but it is new to me. It's a diagnosis that could effect my entire life. Untreated it can cause diabetes, endometrial cancer, coranary artery disease, etc...

I will be optimistic soon, but until then, I'm scared. There's a huge dose of self pitty that I'm waiting to wear off.

My husband is key to my survival. When my sadness and fear make it seem like our dreams are floating away, he grabs hold and shows me we can face anything if we do it together. I believe in him and I believe in us. I just pray the rest falls into place.